How can i better deal with my Father's visits? He's driving me nuts?
I'm a grown man, of 34 years. I have become quite successful financially, and as a result enjoy a lifestyle of bouncing from my home in town to my home at the beach. I live about a 3 hour flight from my father, who CAN NOT resist flying down to visit with my wife and I for weeks at a time... making himself completely at home in both of our homes. My problem is that after the first couple days, when i am happy to see him, i start to feel like every little thing he does gets on my nerves. From his constant repeatiing himself to the way he eats and chews. His drinking and his snoring on the sofa are other examples... By the end of a week, i am ready to kick him out. I know it sounds horrible, and i do love him... its just that i can't deal with these long visits. Please tell me someone what i can do to help myself cope with his visits without snapping at him over litte things that annoy me. If i dont get help this time, i dont think i can make it. Thanks.
Family - 8 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Your wife is a saint to put up with this situation. You are a grown-up. Set limits. "Dad, which week would you like to visit? This week in June, or the one in July?" Make sure he knows that he's welcome to visit as long as is within your set parameters. No one can take advantage of you without your permission.
2 :
First of all, remember he is your dad, and I am sure he watched you learn to feed yourself, learn to talk and changed your diapers. If he repeats himself, often it is because he has so much he wants to tell you he can't remember he already told you that. Maybe making some short trips to see local sites once in awhile will break up the monotony of him sitting on the couch drinking and snoring. Maybe try offering to pay for him to fly down more often, but for a shorter amount of time, he can pay for one time, you pay for the next. Or set up some ground rules about him sitting and drinking on your couch. Maybe invite some friends over, they will entertain him and improve his social behavior while giving you a break from him annoying you. Be glad he isn't living with you full time. You have no idea how annoying your parents can become then. The biggest thing, is remember that he loves you and wants to spend time with you. And you love him, so enjoy him before one day you wake up and he is no longer around to annoy you. Trust me, you will look back at these visits then and wish for them one more time.
3 :
Buy his airfare. Call him up and say "Hey Dad, I bought you a ticket to come out for this week, are you free?" and if he asks if he can extend his trip, come up with something that you have to do the week before and after. That way he doesn't have a choice but to come out just for that week since you already bought the tickets and he can't extend the trip.
4 :
Enjoy what little time you have left with your Dad. Remember he listened to all your dumb questions while you were growing up. Watched you chew & spit food all over. Now it's your turn to help him out a bit. maybe try schelueling some kind of outings to help make it more interesting! Your Dad loves you, that's why he visits. How hard can it be to just open your heart & allow some love in?
5 :
I definitely agree with setting limits (somethimes easier said than done). In addition take the time to enjoy some type of special time with him when he comes like playing cards or games at night. Or get him involved with a home project you are doing. Also, relax! Remember to cherish the good qualities of your father and try to focus on them. You might be in his posistion one day.
6 :
i think your mad at something else & trying to take it out on him, just cool your head & go out for a walk, & hes your dad so pay some respect he don't get mad when you were a kid right
7 :
Daniel, I can sympathize. I often host real estate clients that annoy me. They think Costa Rica is a playground for adults since prostitution is legal here. They always want to entertain hookers and party until the wee hours of the morning. I have no problems with what people do in their free time, but I don't need to expose my family to that dark side of Costa Rica, nor do I think that is the best way for them to explore our beautiful country. I might pose a question of how I should deal with these clients professionally, as A) they keep my bills paid when they buy property but B) they make my life complicated with their escapades.
8 :
There are many points to take into consideration here, you claim to be a very successfully business man, and supposing you've dealt with many problems and stressful situations in your work, try and visualize this problem as something you can control. It's a problem that has a solution. You father has probably no idea what annoys you and if it's obvious how irritated you get, then he's probably feeling sad and confused as to why you loose your patience around him. Use communication as you ally. Make sure you explain what bothers you in a calm manner, this way he won't get upset and chances are he'll understand. Set boundaries when it comes to arranging his visit days. Help him plan his trip; this way he'll notice how much you value his visits and also you'll be in control to set the dates! If you shorten the trips, try and spend quality time with him, go to tourist destinations, visit other family or friends that live in the area, this way you'll keep him busy and he'll have less time to sit around your house eating and drinking. Whenever you feel you're about to loose it, take a break, breath in and out, and count to 7. Try to keep yourself in control, because it's a common tendency that when people loose control and say hurtful things to the people they love, they end up feeling guilty and miserable. Prevent yourself from feeling like this by communicating, breathing and staying patient. Good luck!
Title : How can i better deal with my Father's visits? He's driving me nuts
Description : How can i better deal with my Father's visits? He's driving me nuts? I'm a grown man, of 34 years. I have become quite succe...